“The problem when you are a strong, capable, self-confident person, is that more often than not, people think that you don’t really need things like comfort, reassurance, loyalty and guidance. People are more likely to look at you and say, “She doesn’t need this”, “She doesn’t need that”, “She’s already all of this and all of that”. But then the truth is that most probably, you are a strong, capable, self-confident person because you built yourself brick-by-brick into that person; because you HAD to BECOME that person; because you had determination enough to make yourself into the image that you knew you needed to become. At the heart of many strong, confident people, is a heart most longing of the things that most others simply take for granted” – C. JoyBell C. Grant Wood – Spring in the Country.
It’s easy to take people at face value whether confidence, success or otherwise – but as my bright, inspiring clients remind me daily, we are all works in progress and we often have no idea what people have struggled with to get to where they are, or what they continue to struggle with.
There have certainly been moments in life when I could’ve laid down and been a victim but chose to do the opposite – in truth – for fear of where NOT going on that solo trip to a far flung place would leave me – possibly feeling sorry for myself – or a fear of what NOT choosing what felt authentic might mean for me – self-betrayal, people pleasing and misaligned decisions.
But just as the words above remind us, independence and courage don’t mean invulnerability.
We can be soft and strong, brave and fearful and everything in between.
I’ve also learnt that the quality of our lives truly depends on the quality of our relationships – and that having amazing people to champion me when I doubt myself is hugely fortifying whether friend, coach or partner. As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote:
“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.”
Richard Edward Miller – Afternoon Tea, 1910
