What My Brother’s Death Taught Me About Love

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“Now cracks a noble heart. Goodnight, sweet prince;

And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest”

William Shakespeare, Hamlet 🖌️

Today, I think back 20 plus years ago to when one of my exceptional older brothers took his last breath aged 23.

I’m reminded of a potent learning around love that struck me like a bolt amidst the tragedy – an inspiring revelation which countered the piercing thought I had on learning of Marrow’s terminal diagnosis aged 22 – the latter being, how can life go on without the epicentre of our family? The life and soul of us? The one that makes us crease up with laughter every night at dinner and lights up every room? How will life ever be the same again? “I don’t get it?”, teenage me thought, “If there was a battle, it’s him I’d send in”.

With hindsight, that’s probably why he was sent the worst kind of battle – because he was best placed to handle it and harness it to inspire and transform other lives. A bittersweet legacy of the best and worst kind.

I’ve never seen the power of love more than when Marrow received his terminal cancer diagnosis. The seeming ease with which my parents navigated that situation stopped me in my tracks. Outwardly unflinching but I’m sure inwardly in a world of unimaginable pain. It wasn’t something I’d have associated with tragedy, their contrasting strengths illuminated and fortified in full force at the very worst of times. How horribly beautiful.

My pragmatic dad at his calm, problem-solving, stable best and my mum at her strongest, loving and most uplifting. Equally, the strength of character, wisdom and emotional maturity they instilled in a young man given a death sentence on the springboard of life revealed itself with a quiet force none us could have anticipated – a tenacity, humour, wisdom and bravery that brought home the power that parenting can yield in truly shaping character. I remember thinking in a real moment of truth – the person you spend your life with is everything, strengthening your fortitude or struggle at the best and worst of times whether the happiness of your children, your own success, your ability to navigate adversity and beyond.

It must be why studies say the quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships.

This is something Marrow recognised as key to his fighting spirit, noting the reciprocal power familial support gave him. Tellingly, he signed-off a letter to my twin and I days’ before his death with an Austin Powers quote to that effect: ‘Sorry I have to write, but it helps me get ‘the info’ out. Quite selfishly, you two help me’.

What beautiful circularity that the ways of his two little sisters could’ve been as mutually beneficial to him as his strength was to us.

If I was privileged to have a child who dealt with outrageous misfortune like that, I think I’d have tasted the highest form of success. And one of the greatest testaments to love there might be.

Why Management Consulting Can Feel like a Toxic Relationship

‘Management consulting is like a toxic relationship – you love the salary, status and perks, but you hate the intense workload, demanding clients, lack of work life balance and lack of praise’ – Career Coaching Consulting Client

Are you a management consultant, lawyer or professional who loves the highs of the job – the big pay check, the nice house and the social status but secretly hates the feeling of being stuck in the ‘corporate cage’ where you crave changing out of the ‘always on’ culture but love the big salary and feel trapped by a big mortgage and other liabilities?

Or maybe you’ve reached the pinnacle of your career, near Partnership, only to realise that all your efforts seem to count for nothing unless you hit whopping billable targets or you’re able to bring in new business.

Or maybe you simply don’t have the time to explore these niggling feelings and doubts – or you don’t know who you could talk to to discover alternatives that meet your wider needs?

Perhaps you’ve normalised feeling flat, frustrated or unfulfilled for so long that you’ve failed to notice the negative ripple effect your work is having on your mental health and your wider quality of life with family and friends?

Can you even imagine what it feels like not to have to be perfect every day at work, like you’re on a never-ending treadmill constantly fending off burn-out?

I get it – as a lawyer turned Career and Life Coach, I help smart, successful professionals working in high stress worlds design careers and lives they love – and much as your monkey mind may tell you this isn’t possible, I’m here to tell you it is!

Whether learning simple mindset mastery tricks to help reduce stress and optimise work life balance, learning how to develop boundaries and people please less, exploring career alternatives that thrive off your superb CV or managing wider life goals like love and relationships, I’m here for you.

It’s easy to boost hope and joy in life when you have the right tools and the space to explore what you really want, what your options are and how to reconnect with your strengths to strategise for change. It doesn’t have to be money or happiness – it can be both.

Check out a powerful example of one of many bright but frustrated career coaching clients I work with in the in the short video here.

What do you relate to?

What are your main pain-points?

And how committed to change are you in 2023?

If you’d like to explore how I can help you master your mind and re-design your career or personal life, drop me a message here for a free discovery call. Helping smart, successful professionals get unstuck fast is my superpower 🙂

Here’s what a recent legal client said:

‘Thank you so much for everything – I feel like you’re the best investment I made in myself in years. I feel much more connected to my true self and have more trust in myself than I have had in a long time. You have a real gift’

The Theory of Everything: What Stephen Hawking’s Divorce Teaches Us About Love

The Theory of Everything' Review: Eddie Redmayne Is Stephen Hawking - Variety

The Theory of Everything was quite something for Eddie Redmayne. He was already high on my list just for being a dazzling, redhead, for his (inoffensive) public school charm and for those stunning green eyes, but his performance in The Theory of Everything propelled him into unchartered territory.

I had assumed that The Theory of Everything would be about physics, planets and a famous scientist. And though it is, of course, about the incredible Stephen Hawking and his awe-inspiring achievements, it’s about far more than physical matter.

A Bit of A Game-Changer

IMAGINARY FOUNDATION COSMIC SYMBOLISM FLY-THROUGH

This is a tale about the great themes of life – love and loss, strength and frailty, courage and fear, comedy and tragedy. This isn’t a perfect love story with violins and roses, romantic longevity untainted by challenge, this is a story about the varied and subtle shades of life at its most difficult and most beautiful. This is a story of reality and hope united, a story of a young couple bound by a love so strong that we are carried to dizzying heights with Jane’s passionate commitment to Stephen, a commitment at its most beautiful on his diagnosis with Motor Neurone Disease. Her inner courage is heightened by her miniature size, a gumption soaring way above the testing physical and emotional obstacles which are laid in their marital path. Stephen’s strength is as inspiring, manifest in his wicked sense of humour, sparkling eyes and remarkable scientific achievements despite his physical constraints. Nothing grips human nature more than strength in adversity and boy is this a hero’s tale – not just of the incredible scientist himself, but of his steadfast wife, unbending in love and sacrifice for the man she loves.

Where’s The Real Wow?

Jane Hawking with her ex-husband

But for me, a more subtle ‘wow factor’ lies in the twist towards the end. The Hawkings’ ability to adapt to new and uncomfortable truths is established early on through Stephen’s illness but later, with the breakdown of their marriage, come some truly powerful messages. That the changed status of their incredible relationship didn’t undermine their happy ending bears poignant testimony to the power of the human spirit, challenging our perception of romance, commitment, happiness and success. For despite being the most brilliant example of ‘for better or for worse’, this ended up being a tale whose value wasn’t determined by whether the couple remained together or apart… this was a tale about success in a far wider sense – the ability to accept the twists and turns of life and adapt to changes thrown your way, no matter how unfair or futile.

What Can We Learn From The Theory of Everything?

In this respect, The Theory of Everything is aptly named, for it really is rich in messages about so many aspects of human existence. The aforementioned twist, set against a tale of such supernatural love and professional achievement, shows us that imperfection can still be inspiring and that magnificence is not always born of picture perfect endings. Intelligence is not just about brilliance and jaw-dropping achievement. It can be of a quieter kind, found in dignity, courage and the ability to adapt to change. In an increasingly digital society dependant on the disposable, this film shows us that those who don’t end up with perfect Facebook statuses can still find immeasurable success in their lives, looking back and looking ahead, whether personal, professional or familial, external or internal – together or apart. Indeed, any other type of ‘perfection’ seems rather superficial and mundane set against a tale so rich in challenges and beauty that follows – but a static snap from a virtual world built to dazzle. The Theory of Everything challenges this empty cultural norm, showing that real beauty shifts and moulds to the circumstances of life – a life which can be rosy, shady and just plain difficult. A real life where real brilliance goes way beyond a perfect picture, inspiring hope in loss, beauty in pain, humour in suffering.

And it is in this vein that The Theory of Everything finds its cosmic power – in the quiet beauty of one of the closing scenes which sees the former couple united in the Queen’s perfectly manicured gardens, sharing their pride in the children that they have created together. The dignity with which they move on to confront life apart from one another after their incredible love story, without compromising the deep respect that they developed for one another, struck me as a great perfection. Nothing supernatural, nothing cosmic, nothing to write home about on a Facebook wall but a flawed reality rich in hope, humanity and dignity.

Why Should You See The Theory of Everything?

While there is life discovered by コカイン on We Heart It

The Theory of Everything is a remarkable tale about the power of the human spirit – a spirit which can be dazzling, other-earthly in abilities and passions and spell-bindingly inspiring but one which is also, just that – human – flawed, challenging and complex. A truly metaphysical tale, The Theory of Everything unites improbable points of likeness on so many levels to incredibly powerful effect – strength in adversity, humour in suffering, passion in frailty and happiness despite separation. I can see why Stephen Hawking said he was proud of Eddie Redmayne. Both seem to be remarkable men, probing life’s deepest questions in dazzling fashion.

 

 

 

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