Adult survivors of childhood abandonment and complex trauma abound in our society. Theirs is a sad reality shrouded in the darkness of shame that keeps their experience locked away only to be known by their volcanic overreactions or quiet avoidance that are triggered by present-day cues. They are our sisters, fathers, spouses, etc. They live fenced in by crippling fear and loss of identity stolen at such a young age. They’ve developed and matured as we all do, driven by survival and attachment, the same instincts they came into the world with, the same instincts that gave them a fighting chance at survival. However, the other component necessary for reaching potential, the social environment, was not favorable. It seemed as if this third ingredient almost wanted their destruction from the very beginning as if they were not meant to be alive in the first place. This environment, or soil, if you will, would go on to nurture beliefs deep in the psyche of the individual. These beliefs would become infused with the person’s sense of self, and so they would live out those beliefs as if they had to. They would live out those beliefs in ever reinforcing and destructive consequences. Those consequences reinforce a dark world view and a sense of self-value that is worthless. They live in a reality that holds no possibility for hope. Each day they walk past choice and opportunity only to choose what is familiar.
Read the rest of this superb article here. There’s a surprisingly positive twist!
Episode 5 of The School of Success Podcast Series is now live! A once in a lifetime personal account into the complexity of happiness and the fragility of mental health, no matter how fortunate you may be
This inspiring interview with the wonderful Clare Milford-Haven, aristocrat, ex-Tatler journalist, polo player, mother and co-founder of @jamesplace, the first non-clinical charity specialising in the prevention of male suicide, teaches you:
– what kind of things trigger depression and suicidal crisis;
– what type of person feels suicidal;
– why men are particularly vulnerable;
– the signs and symptoms of mental illness;
– how you can save a life in the smallest of ways; and
– why those most at risk may be the last people you expect
This is for you if you have an interest in what it is to be human – happiness, sadness, fluke, chance, adversity and everything in between. This is also for you if you have men in your life you care deeply for, whether father, brother, husband, boyfriend, son or otherwise.
This is also for you if you want to learn how to understand a misunderstood and stigmatised subject that affects far more people than we realise (85 men take their lives every week in the UK, with 75% of suicides being male and suicide being the leading cause of death in men aged 20-49). In other words, suicide is a silent epidemic that gets far less air-time than Covid19.
We need to do something about this.
In this warm-hearted interview, Clare lovingly guides you to discover a range of powerful tools to help you spot signs of vulnerability in your nearest and dearest that might otherwise go unsaid, tools to help loved ones express how they really feel and support systems to help those in crisis.
You can find Clare @jamesplace on Instagram and at www.jamesplace.org.uk/ 🍬
Be warned, Clare is an inspiring example of motherhood, innovation, making a difference and above all, saving lives.
The legal industry is a beast of its own making. The profession attracts high achievers with skills in abundance, who thrive under pressure, are first class problem-solvers and add real value to over demanding and stressed out clients. In the thrust of it all, we sometimes forget that they are still human beings with lives of their own.
I understand this all too well. I was one of those over-worked, stressed out, high achievers. I was a lawyer at a top UK firm and while I loved the work initially, I took the decision to change my career path and become a corporate wellbeing coach to the profession instead. Read my full article for The Lawyer here.
The legal profession is widely known for attracting high achievers, those with excellent grades, drive, attention to detail and resilience. There is no denying that the legal industry is built on extremes; think the A-Type personalities driving Magic Circle revenues north of a billion pounds a year to the cut above intellect which sees only a third of student barristers securing pupillages.
It is with irony that these stellar qualities can also be many lawyers’ and barristers’ Achilles’ heel. For while the high-powered legal industry thrives off outstanding professionals, this same unrelenting standard for excellence can leave legal professionals feeling imbalanced, burnt-out and more vulnerable to mental illness than employees in other industries.
You certainly don’t need me to tell you about the impact the Covid-19 pandemic is having on the legal profession. This crisis has disrupted the workplace like nothing before. As an industry, law firms are scrambling to plan for the post-coronavirus working environment. There is a real danger however that, whilst the physical aspect of returning to work under a ‘new normal’ will be respected, the mental wellbeing of staff may be overlooked. Read the full article for The Law Society Gazette here
“We’re all very driven here. We don’t suffer with things like that”
Senior Partner, Magic Circle law firm
The legal profession is widely known for attracting high achievers, those with excellent grades, drive, attention to detail and resilience. There’s no denying the legal industry is built on extremes; think the A-Type personalities driving Magic Circle revenues north of a billion pounds a year to the cut above intellect which sees only a third of student barristers securing pupillages.
Ironically, these stellar qualities can also be many lawyers’ and barristers’ Achilles’ heel. For while the high-powered legal industry thrives off outstanding professionals, this same unrelenting standard for excellence can leave legal professionals feeling imbalanced, burnt-out and more vulnerable to mental illness than employees in other industries. According to Dr Michalak of the University of Queensland: ‘Lawyers suffer from significantly lower levels of psychological + psychosomatic health wellbeing than other professionals’.
Read my article for The Law Society Gazette here to explore why now, more than ever, mental health needs to be moved to the top of the legal agenda.
Happy Tuesday, All ◭
Learning healthy ways to move through adversity, a collection of skills that researchers call ‘resilience’, can help us cope better and recover more quickly.
Check out the 12 point Personal Toolbox for Tough Times below – such simple practices that can help you cope with difficulties when they arise but also prepare you for challenges in the future ◬◬◬