What My Brother’s Death Taught Me About Love

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“Now cracks a noble heart. Goodnight, sweet prince;

And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest”

William Shakespeare, Hamlet 🖌️

Today, I think back 20 plus years ago to when one of my exceptional older brothers took his last breath aged 23.

I’m reminded of a potent learning around love that struck me like a bolt amidst the tragedy – an inspiring revelation which countered the piercing thought I had on learning of Marrow’s terminal diagnosis aged 22 – the latter being, how can life go on without the epicentre of our family? The life and soul of us? The one that makes us crease up with laughter every night at dinner and lights up every room? How will life ever be the same again? “I don’t get it?”, teenage me thought, “If there was a battle, it’s him I’d send in”.

With hindsight, that’s probably why he was sent the worst kind of battle – because he was best placed to handle it and harness it to inspire and transform other lives. A bittersweet legacy of the best and worst kind.

I’ve never seen the power of love more than when Marrow received his terminal cancer diagnosis. The seeming ease with which my parents navigated that situation stopped me in my tracks. Outwardly unflinching but I’m sure inwardly in a world of unimaginable pain. It wasn’t something I’d have associated with tragedy, their contrasting strengths illuminated and fortified in full force at the very worst of times. How horribly beautiful.

My pragmatic dad at his calm, problem-solving, stable best and my mum at her strongest, loving and most uplifting. Equally, the strength of character, wisdom and emotional maturity they instilled in a young man given a death sentence on the springboard of life revealed itself with a quiet force none us could have anticipated – a tenacity, humour, wisdom and bravery that brought home the power that parenting can yield in truly shaping character. I remember thinking in a real moment of truth – the person you spend your life with is everything, strengthening your fortitude or struggle at the best and worst of times whether the happiness of your children, your own success, your ability to navigate adversity and beyond.

It must be why studies say the quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships.

This is something Marrow recognised as key to his fighting spirit, noting the reciprocal power familial support gave him. Tellingly, he signed-off a letter to my twin and I days’ before his death with an Austin Powers quote to that effect: ‘Sorry I have to write, but it helps me get ‘the info’ out. Quite selfishly, you two help me’.

What beautiful circularity that the ways of his two little sisters could’ve been as mutually beneficial to him as his strength was to us.

If I was privileged to have a child who dealt with outrageous misfortune like that, I think I’d have tasted the highest form of success. And one of the greatest testaments to love there might be.

A Powerful 3 Step Communication Hack to Optimise Relationships

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“Good communication is the bridge between confusion and clarity”

Nat Turner 💡

 

I’ve never been one for sharing personal relationship stories on here – but this one is too good not to share.

I’m still friends with an ex-boyfriend below, probably cos he was a good friend to me and a very genuine guy.

And though our love story wasn’t meant to go beyond what it did, like all relationships, I learnt some valuable pearls o wisdom.

The main one being the value of calm communication. Note – the calm gentle tone was more vital than the words as per studies which show tone and body language account for 65% of communication’s impact, with words being only 35%.

Food for thought, hey?

That was definitely one of his superpowers – a bit like my dad, it was as if in that moment when others might have been angry or agressive (like when I snapped some skis he leant me 🫢), he did what Mr P advises:

“If someone is upset or doesn’t listen, repeat yourself slowly and calmly until they do”.

I’ve never, btw, heard my dad raise his voice once. Ever. No wonder I don’t do well with moody people 🫢

The What Why How handy communication tool below gives structure to the complex business o communication, boosting clarity, closeness and relationship success when you’re struggling to express something. It can also be applied at work 💼

Here’s how the 3 step formula goes:

🔦 What’s important to you

🔦 Why it’s important

🔦 How much of it you need (if relevant)

Continued below ⬇️

You can also ask it in questions if you’re getting to know someone professionally or personally:

For example:

🏈 What are two things that make you feel loved?

🏈 Why is that important to you?

🏈 How often need that?

How would you feel if someone asked you that?

How would it benefit you both?

Another example might be:

🍊 Being open about your worries is important to me

🍊Cos it builds my sense of trust n closeness

🍊 So I’d love it you could try to be open about stuff that’s worrying you when it’s weighing on your mind

What do you think?

What comes up for you if you apply it to pain-points in your life or work?

Simple tools like these can give a how to things that might otherwise block us and transform the complex into the simple.

In fact, often it’s not that we’re not good at communication – it’s a totally learnable skill – we just need the tools and willingness to be slightly vulnerable.

And what do we know about vulnerability?

It’s strength in disguise and it’ll always draw you closer to the right people and organisations 🏹

Try it n see 🪀

☘️ To upgrade your life or career, book a free discovery call: www.melanie-pritchard.com

Why My Brother’s Death at 23 Taught Me That Courage is the Most High-Performance Habit of the Lot

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“Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be courageous”

Robert A Heinlein

 

I have a confession.

 

While many of us have felt it, I sometimes struggle with people who doggedly refuse to move from victim mindset + are unwilling to do anything differently. Obviously, mental illness can keep us there, which is truly hard.

 

I recognise I may be a bit intolerant having seen my 22 year old brother choose courage at the worst of times – untimely death.

Nobody Googles ‘Glioblastoma’ + comes away feeling hopeful. Ironic the ‘my brother died of a brain tumour’ line is a conversation stopper because his defiance in the face of adversity made it hard for us to view him as anything but inspiring, radically altering the course of my life for the better.

 

Courage is a powerful thing – especially when the stats tell you you’re f*cked + hope, for all intents + purposes, is lost.

 

But that’s the magical thing about courage.

 

It’s truly metaphysical, uniting improbable points of likeness like strength in suffering, bravery in hopelessness + humour in adversity, in the most breathtaking ways.

 

It finds hope in the hopeless, inspiring life’s Greats to do their highest work on Earth – the most inspiring of whom usually have real reason to be victims – the Nelson Mandela’s of Apartheid, The Viktor Frankel’s of the Holocaust + the Martin Luther King’s.

 

A few days’ before my brother’s death, he wrote my sister + I a letter oozing a courage that blew my mind: ‘Obviously I’m a bit narked because I thought we could win, so now we have to reassess winning + how we define that’.

 

w o w

 

That’s the thing about courage – it takes your breath away – because it’s grit + defiance that flies in the face of fear –

+ you never really know it’s there until the sh*t hits the fan.

 

In truth, Matthew had always been a bit special, with an understated charm + charisma that lit up rooms – but none of us were prepared for how he made suffering his crowning glory.

 

Even in his darkest hour, he found the courage to reframe the hopelessness of tragedy: ‘Cancer need not be the epilogue, in many ways it can be the introduction to a richer life of wisdom’.

 

Towards the end of his letter to his little sisters, my twin + I, he wrote: ‘So we need to have a lot of fun (underlined) over the next few months or so’ (before signing off with an Austin Powers quote).

 

I’m privileged to see courage daily in my career + life coaching clients – who are, by definition, deeply courageous, seeking the magic hidden in stress. They inspire me daily.

 

So when life feels impossible, remember, courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s defiance over fear. As Maslow says: ‘One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again + again; fear must be overcome again + again’.

 

So when you wobble, remember, there is purpose in pain. As Freud said:

 

‘Pain has nothing to teach those who don’t find the courage + strength to listen to it’.

The Litmus Test for Happiness in Career & Love

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“If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose” – Bishop T.D. Jakes

I often say there are many parallels between careers and love. If you’re not excited by the career or person, don’t do it. Period.

I call it The Passion Test for a reason. If you wouldn’t wanna read a book on it or listen to a podcast on it, you may not have enough passion to hit the fuzzy heights of true success and fulfilment.

If you’re non-plussed or not excited by a date or the prospect of marrying someone, don’t do it.

Case in point – I spoke to a potential client yday. She looked flat and disconnected from her current work but by george, when she mentioned an experience of the past working on the field making a difference in a totally different way to her office job which pivots on the granular detail of technical law, she lit up. She even said she ‘came away from the experience and felt a fire inside’. YESSSS!

Émotions don’t lie.

If you want true career and love fulfilment, you must feel passionate about it and them. Period.

Tough times will come but it’s that passion that drives meaning, purpose and ease and will keep you going on a bad day. ‘The Bad Day Test’ as I call it.

It’s that passion that keeps you going ‘for better or for worse, in sickness and in health’. It doesn’t mean the job or person need be perfect, but passion lines your soul with the grit and determination required to succeed. And makes for the heady success of true fulfilment, align, ease and flow.

Still unsure?

Let these inspiring quotes light a flame in you:

“Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.”
Oprah Winfrey

“Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion.”
Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

“When you have balance in your life, work becomes an entirely different experience. There is a passion that moves you to a whole new level of fulfilment and gratitude, and that’s when you can do your best… for yourself and for others.”
Cara Delevingne

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”
Maya Angelou

“The road to success is not easy to navigate, but with hard work, drive and passion, it’s possible to achieve the American dream.”
Tommy Hilfiger

“Follow your passion. The rest will attend to itself. If I can do it, anybody can do it. It’s possible. And it’s your turn. So go for it. It’s never too late to become what you always wanted to be in the first place.”
J. Michael Straczynski

“Follow your passion, be prepared to work hard and sacrifice, and, above all, don’t let anyone limit your dreams.”
Donovan Bailey

“When you have a passion for something then you tend not only to be better at it, but you work harder at it too.”
Vera Wang

“I think that in order to be successful, women have to figure out what they’re passionate about first. No matter what you aspire to, you’ve got to love what you do in order to be successful at it.”
Michelle Obama

“A great leader’s courage to fulfill his vision comes from passion, not position.”
John C. Maxwell

“You can do anything as long as you have the passion, the drive, the focus, and the support.”
Sabrina Bryan

“Grit is that ‘extra something’ that separates the most successful people from the rest. It’s the passion, perseverance, and stamina that we must channel in order to stick with our dreams until they become a reality.”
Travis Bradberry

Ps That pic is me in Paris, a place that fans the flames of my soul. The decadence, darkness, passion, sensuality and soul spans so many things I’m passionate about. French, food, adventure, travel, honesty and above all, passion.

🐚

Want to create a career and life you love?

Get in touch for a free discovery call at www.melanie-pritchard.com. If there’s one thing I can assure you of having life and career coached for 7 years, it’s that true happiness, fulfilment and success are far closer than you think. You simply need the clarity and the ‘how’ to get there 🪄

The 10 Books that Changed my Life

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It’s hard to overstate the impact that books have had on my life, developing my understanding of people and society as much, if not more than, human interaction.

So here are my top 10 book recommends that have been major catalysts for emotional, spiritual and intellectual growth. I hope the below will help inspire you as they have me:

1. The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael J Singer
This NY Times bestseller really expedited the healing process after a life-changing relationship ended. It’s truly eye-opening if you’ve ever struggled with anger or frustration that life or people aren’t how you want them to be. Singer also helps you understand how to overcome blocks within yourself that may threaten relationships whether romantic, platonic, professional or otherwise. His serious mix of EQ and IQ is quite breath-taking.

2. The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle
This love / hate international bestseller taught me about the power of mindfulness and what it really is, opening with the author’s transformation from suicidal crisis to spiritual enlightenment. Tolle goes on to explain where stress comes from, why you are not your mind and how you can control your thoughts and emotions. It may leave you feeling like you’ve uncovered the secrets of the universe.

3. A Return To Love by Marianne Williamson
I read this book in the wake of a painful but necessary break-up. It clarified the different kinds of romantic love and how they’re part of your wider journey. The number 1 bestseller, it explores how miracles start to happen when you resolve to trust the universe and learn to love yourself, guiding the reader to deep spiritual awakening.

4. The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living by the Dalai Lama XIV
This book deepened my knowledge of the most important aspect of human nature in any relationship: empathy. I read it when I felt unsupported in a relationship and the teachings were a catalyst for me leaving. In collaboration with Howard Cutler, a western psychiatrist, the Dalai Lama incorporates stories and meditations on how to overcome challenging emotions and what good relationships are built on. The 2,500 years of Buddhist teachings within will help you understand how to find peace in your daily life.

5. A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled by Ruby Wax
This read inspired me to develop mindfulness workshops in companies, charities and prisons. Outrageously witty, smart and accessible, Ruby Wax’s book on mindfulness explains the well-known term with humour and simplicity across a range of subjects from stress and relationships to careers and mental health. If you thought Wax was just some silly comic, think again. She has an OBE for her services to mental health, her book is inspired by her studies of Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy at Oxford University and she believes that mindfulness is the only thing that has eased her crippling depression.

6. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything by Elizabeth Gilbert
I read this worldwide bestseller while I was in New York after emerging from a toxic relationship. It starts at 3am, with Gilbert sobbing on the floor. She’s in her 30s, has a husband, a house and is trying for a baby – and she doesn’t want any of it. A bitter divorce and a turbulent love affair later, she emerges battered and bewildered and realises it’s time to pursue her own journey in search of happiness. So she travels to Rome, India and Bali where she re-finds herself quite entirely. I’d recommend this book if you’re at a cross-roads in your love life and wondering what makes you tick. I had many laugh out loud moments and equal doses of comfort and catharsis.

7. The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck
Peck was an American psychiatrist and best-selling author whose book melds love, science, and religion into a primer on personal growth. At the forefront of spiritual psychology, his book is broken into the grand themes of life like love and parenthood to v powerful effect, sharing his own life stories and those of anonymous therapy clients to bring the complex to life. His words on love and parenting stand out more than any others I’ve read on the subjects.

8. The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma
This was the seed of my awakening to what really matters in life – the beginnings of reconnecting to my true self – bridging the gap between the conventional past life of law and the new, more inner-directed life of coaching. Teaching about the difference between ‘shoulds’ and ‘wants’, prestige and inner power, feelings over thinkings, the pearls of wisdom in this number one bestseller have contributed to reshaping my views on careers, love and life at large. This book is, quite simply, one of the most powerful stories you will ever read. Described by Brian Tracy, as a ‘fun, fascinating, fanciful adventure into the realms of personal development’, this is a must-read on how to achieve greater balance, control and happiness in life. Written by one of the world’s leading experts on leadership and personal development and author of 12 international bestsellers, Robin Sharma knows a thing or two about success in the widest sense.

9. The Dirty Life: On Farming, Food & Love by Kristen Kimball
Read at the start of a journey that would change my life, I’d just moved to Madrid after leaving law, I was embarking on a love affair with a Mowgli lookalike French boy nobody would have ever put me with and I was beginning to connect with my true self – closing the gap between who I thought I should be and who I really am. Based on Kimball’s unconventional journey from the glitzy world of Harvard and New York journalism to the rugged wilderness of the countryside with a farmer she falls in love with, ‘The Dirty Life’ is a powerful tale about love, fulfilment and the power of instinct. Exposing stark ironies about conventional perceptions of ‘success’ and ‘happiness’, Kimball takes us on a journey full of surprises, a world away from the corporate sphere she might have settled into in favour of a world full of simple pleasures. ‘The Dirty Life’ is a heart-warming must-read if you’re feeling disillusioned with the daily grind or conflicted by society’s expectations of you versus your inner longings.

10. The 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman
A woman in Chamonix said this book saved her marriage. I can see why. Its pocket sized dimensions are completely disproportionate to its power, for though you can read it in two hours straight, ‘The 5 Languages of Love’ is a life-changer in the relationship game. A New York Times bestseller, with over 5 million copies sold and translated into 38 languages, it guides you to identify, understand, and speak your partner’s primary love language – quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service or physical touch. This little love bible can transform relationships.

There is Purpose in Pain: How to Find the Magic in Adversity

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There is purpose in pain.

If you’ve had a rough ride, it ain’t the end of your tale. Feel the pain, let it out and then dig deep, look for the learnings and good things will come.

Life is like a Super Mario game. You gotta decipher the learning on whatever level you’re on, no matter how hard, to progress to the next level. If you keep doing the same thing again n again you’ll stay stuck where you are.

Give in to low vibe energy and sit in a bog of victimhood (of course this is normal at times) and be prepared to stay stuck there.

If you’re really stuck in toxic emotions like anger, shame and envy, who can you talk to to break that impasse so you can bust upwards to survive and then thrive?

Even when you get through that, it can be hard to keep the faith at times that good things are coming your way so be your own cheerleader daily and champion yourself with positive language as you move through stress.

I regularly tell myself what I’d tell a best friend at those moments: ‘You’re doing really well, Mella, keep going’ or ‘It’s ok you’re feeling burnt-out, you’ve had a lot of change of late’.

Cos y’know what?

Language matters.

What you feed your brain matters.

Even if you don’t believe it, your subconscious mind believes anything you tell it if you feed it that regularly enough.

So repeat after me:

‘Amazing things are coming’ 💥

And wait for the tide to turn in your favour 🌊

————————————–

Want to learn more? Book in a free life / career coaching or corporate training discovery call to benefit from my 10% January discount and to optimise success before February is upon us! 🥂 www.melanie-pritchard.com.

Married to Trauma: Loving a Victim of Childhood Trauma

Adult survivors of childhood abandonment and complex trauma abound in our society. Theirs is a sad reality shrouded in the darkness of shame that keeps their experience locked away only to be known by their volcanic overreactions or quiet avoidance that are triggered by present-day cues. They are our sisters, fathers, spouses, etc. They live fenced in by crippling fear and loss of identity stolen at such a young age. They’ve developed and matured as we all do, driven by survival and attachment, the same instincts they came into the world with, the same instincts that gave them a fighting chance at survival. However, the other component necessary for reaching potential, the social environment, was not favorable. It seemed as if this third ingredient almost wanted their destruction from the very beginning as if they were not meant to be alive in the first place. This environment, or soil, if you will, would go on to nurture beliefs deep in the psyche of the individual. These beliefs would become infused with the person’s sense of self, and so they would live out those beliefs as if they had to. They would live out those beliefs in ever reinforcing and destructive consequences. Those consequences reinforce a dark world view and a sense of self-value that is worthless. They live in a reality that holds no possibility for hope. Each day they walk past choice and opportunity only to choose what is familiar.

Read the rest of this superb article here. There’s a surprisingly positive twist!

6 Surprising Signs of a Toxic Relationship

There’s no class in high school on how to not be a shitty boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, we get taught the biology of sex, the legal ins and outs of marriage, and maybe we read a few obscure love stories from the 19th century on how not to be an ass-face.

Without clear ideas from adults, what we’re left with is basically trial and error, and if you’re like most people, it’s mostly error.

Enter: a string of toxic relationships as we fumble through an already complex dating world.

One of the problems is that a lot of toxic relationship habits are baked into our culture. We worship romantic love—you know, that dizzying and irrational kind that somehow finds breaking china plates on the wall in a fit of tears somewhat endearing. And we scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities.

Men and women are encouraged to objectify each other and to objectify their romantic relationships. Thus, our partners are often seen as achievements or prizes rather than someone to share mutual emotional support.

A lot of the self-help literature out there isn’t helpful either. And for most of us, mom and dad surely weren’t the best examples.

Read the rest of this excellent article on the 6 signs of a toxic relationship here.

The greatest gift you can give someone is your own personal development

The Surprising Similarity between Careers and Dating

5 Main Differences Between Dating And Being In A Relationship

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life” – Confucius

Ever gone on a date you weren’t excited about to discover, well, it was a waste of time?

Ever sent in multiple job applications or done an interview somewhat half-heartedly to discover, shock horror, you weren’t successful?

Or maybe you’re struggling to excel in your current role (or even get through the day..) because your heart’s just not in it?

I always say there are multiple parallels between love and careers. If you’re not excited, it’s not the right one! What happens when we settle on a half-hearted love? Yup, it ends in tears. Careers are no different as I explain in my short video here.

Do not, I repeat, do not, settle with your career.

Feeing disconnected 5 days’ a week is a BIG DEAL and will affect your mental health and wider life whether your love life, relationships with your children, wellbeing or otherwise.

If you think you’re lost, confused, stuck – you’re not nearly as lost as you think, trust me. I see these feelings ALL THE TIME with clients who invariably become unstuck within just 1-3 sessions. Confusion, apathy and frustration may alarm you but they excite me (!) because they are merely signs of unmet needs and when you work out what you need to be happy, the rest is easy.

Don’t believe me?

One creative career coaching client thought she was totally lost job wise and was sliding into depression when we first connected. She was also worried her career joylessness was endangering her relationship. By session 2, she was a different person – with a 360 energy / clarity turnaround once she got clear on her values. She wasn’t remotely crazy or even that lost once she had the space to explore what was really going on – she was just in the wrong role in a misaligned work environment.

She now has her dream job for a leading fashion house in Amsterdam and feels truly seen, heard and fulfilled.

If that resonates, hit me up for a free discovery call and feel the anxiety reduce and hope spike!

As an ex-lawyer turned career and life coach who works with smart, successful people in high-stress jobs, my superpower is helping ‘confused’ clients get unstuck fast and reconnect with careers that make them truly happy, fulfilled and excited to get up in the morning.

Remember: “The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.” – Steve Jobs

#career #careers #job #interview #mentalhealth #wellbeing #work#finance #managementconsulting #consulting #lifecoaching#careercoaching #coaching #success #happiness #leaders#leadership #wellbeing #insurance #redundancy #HR #law#property #CEO #manager #lawyer #jobs #people

Relationship Anxiety: What Causes it and When You Really Need to Worry!

Relationship anxiety: 15 signs you have it and how to handle it

‘Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life’ – Susan David PhD

Hands up if you’ve ever felt doubt, insecurity or the need for reassurance in a relationship? Cue all of us.

What causes relationship anxiety and when do you *really* need to worry?

What’s the difference between helpful and unhelpful anxiety in relationships?

How does relationship worry show up?

And how can we handle it?

I coach many life coaching clients on relationship pain-points whether work-related or romantic – in fact, it’s a favourite topic of mine, dealing with themes that go to the heart of what it is to be human – confidence, self-esteem, identity, values, communication, happiness, success and beyond.

The cost of poor quality or broken relationships is high, which is why it’s so rewarding teaching clients simple tools to overcome relationship challenges to minimise breakdown and optimise happiness.

A recent client mentioned the varied (mainly negative) advice she’d received from friends around her potentially impending divorce and one thing struck me – a real lack of balance, objectivity and hopeful guidance.

I saw something different to ‘let’s expedite the divorce’ / ‘what a d*ck’ / ‘things have ruptured so it’s game over after nearly 20 years’.

Underneath the anger and acting out was simply a breakdown in communication, a lack of tools around HOW to communicate effectively and a disconnect from their own selves since becoming busy working parents. Yes, that’s a few blockers but pretty resolvable blockers if there are enough shared values and vision for the future.

This is where coaching can be pretty game-changing, bringing awareness and balance to complex situations untrained listeners may be naturally more inclined to judge from their own frame of reference. This is what we call projection (!) which isn’t always helpful when we need to be heard and we want to connect to the truth in a balanced, non-polarised way.

If you’ve ever felt anxious in romantic relationships, wondered whether this is normal and what the difference even is between good and ‘bad’ anxiety, read my article below in Women’s Health. There’s a game-changing magic trick for dealing with anxiety in there which is as miraculous as it is simple. To read about this and the full article in Women’s Health, click here.

And if you’re looking to uplevel your relationships, whether in work or love, drop me a message to book a free discovery call here – I regularly help clients like these with tips to gain the clarity and tools to optimise dating, their relationships and love lives!

What’s stopping you from creating a life you love?

#love #relationships #success #happiness #lifecoaching #career#communication #stress #mentalhealth #cbt

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