What My Brother’s Death Taught Me About Love

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“Now cracks a noble heart. Goodnight, sweet prince;

And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest”

William Shakespeare, Hamlet 🖌️

Today, I think back 20 plus years ago to when one of my exceptional older brothers took his last breath aged 23.

I’m reminded of a potent learning around love that struck me like a bolt amidst the tragedy – an inspiring revelation which countered the piercing thought I had on learning of Marrow’s terminal diagnosis aged 22 – the latter being, how can life go on without the epicentre of our family? The life and soul of us? The one that makes us crease up with laughter every night at dinner and lights up every room? How will life ever be the same again? “I don’t get it?”, teenage me thought, “If there was a battle, it’s him I’d send in”.

With hindsight, that’s probably why he was sent the worst kind of battle – because he was best placed to handle it and harness it to inspire and transform other lives. A bittersweet legacy of the best and worst kind.

I’ve never seen the power of love more than when Marrow received his terminal cancer diagnosis. The seeming ease with which my parents navigated that situation stopped me in my tracks. Outwardly unflinching but I’m sure inwardly in a world of unimaginable pain. It wasn’t something I’d have associated with tragedy, their contrasting strengths illuminated and fortified in full force at the very worst of times. How horribly beautiful.

My pragmatic dad at his calm, problem-solving, stable best and my mum at her strongest, loving and most uplifting. Equally, the strength of character, wisdom and emotional maturity they instilled in a young man given a death sentence on the springboard of life revealed itself with a quiet force none us could have anticipated – a tenacity, humour, wisdom and bravery that brought home the power that parenting can yield in truly shaping character. I remember thinking in a real moment of truth – the person you spend your life with is everything, strengthening your fortitude or struggle at the best and worst of times whether the happiness of your children, your own success, your ability to navigate adversity and beyond.

It must be why studies say the quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships.

This is something Marrow recognised as key to his fighting spirit, noting the reciprocal power familial support gave him. Tellingly, he signed-off a letter to my twin and I days’ before his death with an Austin Powers quote to that effect: ‘Sorry I have to write, but it helps me get ‘the info’ out. Quite selfishly, you two help me’.

What beautiful circularity that the ways of his two little sisters could’ve been as mutually beneficial to him as his strength was to us.

If I was privileged to have a child who dealt with outrageous misfortune like that, I think I’d have tasted the highest form of success. And one of the greatest testaments to love there might be.

Why Management Consulting Can Feel like a Toxic Relationship

‘Management consulting is like a toxic relationship – you love the salary, status and perks, but you hate the intense workload, demanding clients, lack of work life balance and lack of praise’ – Career Coaching Consulting Client

Are you a management consultant, lawyer or professional who loves the highs of the job – the big pay check, the nice house and the social status but secretly hates the feeling of being stuck in the ‘corporate cage’ where you crave changing out of the ‘always on’ culture but love the big salary and feel trapped by a big mortgage and other liabilities?

Or maybe you’ve reached the pinnacle of your career, near Partnership, only to realise that all your efforts seem to count for nothing unless you hit whopping billable targets or you’re able to bring in new business.

Or maybe you simply don’t have the time to explore these niggling feelings and doubts – or you don’t know who you could talk to to discover alternatives that meet your wider needs?

Perhaps you’ve normalised feeling flat, frustrated or unfulfilled for so long that you’ve failed to notice the negative ripple effect your work is having on your mental health and your wider quality of life with family and friends?

Can you even imagine what it feels like not to have to be perfect every day at work, like you’re on a never-ending treadmill constantly fending off burn-out?

I get it – as a lawyer turned Career and Life Coach, I help smart, successful professionals working in high stress worlds design careers and lives they love – and much as your monkey mind may tell you this isn’t possible, I’m here to tell you it is!

Whether learning simple mindset mastery tricks to help reduce stress and optimise work life balance, learning how to develop boundaries and people please less, exploring career alternatives that thrive off your superb CV or managing wider life goals like love and relationships, I’m here for you.

It’s easy to boost hope and joy in life when you have the right tools and the space to explore what you really want, what your options are and how to reconnect with your strengths to strategise for change. It doesn’t have to be money or happiness – it can be both.

Check out a powerful example of one of many bright but frustrated career coaching clients I work with in the in the short video here.

What do you relate to?

What are your main pain-points?

And how committed to change are you in 2023?

If you’d like to explore how I can help you master your mind and re-design your career or personal life, drop me a message here for a free discovery call. Helping smart, successful professionals get unstuck fast is my superpower 🙂

Here’s what a recent legal client said:

‘Thank you so much for everything – I feel like you’re the best investment I made in myself in years. I feel much more connected to my true self and have more trust in myself than I have had in a long time. You have a real gift’

The Surprising Reason Coaching will Change your Life

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“Attention energises, intention transforms” – Deepak Chopra

Ever wondered, like the legal client below before we worked together, why you’re unable to make change despite feeling frustration, boredom, anxiety or depression about your personal or professional life?

Here’s why..

To make any big change in your life, you need to do more than recognise discomfort – you need to create the time, space and resources to get real clarity. From there, change becomes easy.

Ever wondered why people telling you what you should do rarely works?

Because sometimes it comes more from a place of projection, protectiveness and bias than objectivity and real listening – truly sitting in the moment with you and really hearing what lies beneath is usually quite different, leaving you feeling heard, understood and pumped to uplevel your life.

This is exactly what I thought coaching wasn’t when I first started out. Honestly, I was hoping it was a quick fix involving talking to a wise owl who could help me cut corners and expedite change fast.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

When I heard it was being guided by the coach asking a series of questions to help me work out who I was and what I wanted, I thought it sounded like hot air.

Then we started practising coaching – and I ate my words fast..

I quickly realised helping someone connect to who they truly are and what they truly want versus telling them what they should do, is where the magic happens.

I see this kind of magic happen daily with clients like the lovely client in the quote below who found coaching more powerful than years of therapy, management consultants sick of toxic work environments, midwives tired of emotions to financiers and creatives ready to change their personal or professional lives.

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As a wise friend on Mindline once said, really active listening is like developing a sixth sense and it should have a profound effect on the client.

So I say again – attention energises, intention transforms. Finding space to be truly heard and to deconstruct what’s really going on for you is an essential component to creating the intention required for change.

So if you’re feeling misaligned with your life or career and are seeking greater fulfilment, joy and inspiration in your life, what’s stopping you? As Einstein said: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

I have a very small number of complimentary coaching discovery call slots remaining before Christmas if you’d like to hear more about how coaching could help change your personal or professional life, so if you’re sick of the status quo and want to start next year with a new lease of life, get in touch here.

Disclaimer: If you don’t want results, this won’t be for you!

 

Surprisingly Simple Stress Trick: How to Get Out of Your Head Fast!

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‘Faith is an oasis in the heart that will never be reached by the caravan of thinking’

Khalil Gibran

 

How often do you find yourself overthinking when you’re stressed?

Totally stuck in your head or going round in circles with no end?

It makes sense to think we can think our way around things but sometimes, getting out of our heads and into our bodies is the best thing we can do. Y’see, without learnt tools to master our minds, our brains are designed to keep us stuck focusing on the negative and continuing to do what we’ve always done. Not very evolved, hey?!

Case in point – a career coaching client who was so stressed she was really quite depressed and unable to move forward had a 360 about-turn when she took her focus off thinking about careers and instead reconnected with doing the things that brought her fun and joy in life.

All the things that took her out of her head whether cooking, drawing, running or seeing her friends.

And boom! Then the clarity came – from being more and thinking less. Like a counter-intuitive detour around stress. The renewed energy and clarity came from moving her body rather than just sitting in the stasis of thought. Ironic, isn’t it, that when we stop thinking so much, sometimes we unlock feelings that guide the way.

As the legendary Dr Wayne Dyer says: ‘Think less, feel more’.

What do you do that brings you joy and gets you out of your head? When did you last have this experience? And what were the results?

For me it might be things like travelling, local adventures, meeting new people, working in new cafés, or doing a new activity like paragliding in the wilds of Italy above. Connecting with free spirits in sublime nature is always a sure fire way for me to change my state and get clarity on confusion. Note – most of these things involve movement – as Tony Robbins says: ‘Motion equals emotion’.

What one change can you make today to get out of your head and into your body?

How would that feel?

And what’s the best possible outcome?

 

 

 

Podcast Episode 12: Why Becoming a Mother is the Perfect Time to Start A Business

Sabine Matharu, Author at The Future Shapers

Episode 12 of The School of Success Podcast Series is now live! An inspiring and eye-opening deep-dive into why becoming a mother is the perfect time to start a business!

This interview with the accomplished Leadership Coach, Author and Workplace Wellbeing Creator, Sabine Matharu, teaches you:

– top tips for overcoming the limiting beliefs that stop people from launching their own businesses;
– what’s really going on in new mums’ inner monologues when they go back to work;
– myth-busting around the risks of launching your own business;
– how to use adversity to laser-focus new career goals and expedite health, wealth and happiness; and
– how organisations can better support working parents

This is also for you if you have an interest in how to optimise career clarity before making a change and how to find the killer weapons required to start and scale a business fast. This is also for you if you’re not sure what a Leadership Coach is and the main benefits of investing in one!

In this super informative interview, Sabine shares her expert wisdom from years as a management consultant turned successful author and entrepreneur working with women across a whole host of industries whether new mums, aspiring entrepreneurs or leaders in their field.

You can find Sabine at www.instagram.com/sabine.matharu/ on Instagram and at www.theempowermentportal.com. Her recent book, “Shift – A New Era Begins” can be found here: www.learnmoreabout.info/shift.

Full podcast episode here!

From New York Journalist to Farmer’s Wife: What The Dirty Life Teaches Us About Happiness

Good Husbandry by Kristin Kimball review – a new life on a community farm |  Society books | The Guardian

What are you?

A professional or an entrepreneur, a country bumpkin or a city slicker, a conformist or a free spirit? Or are you a hybrid – a suited and booted banker or lawyer with the ‘perfect job’ but a niggling desire to explore less well-trodden paths? Or maybe you’re just plain confused about where you fit and what really drives you.

Whatever category you fall into, most of us from Generation Y were bred by folks with far less opportunity than us professionally. With more conventional views of what constitutes a ‘proper’ job, our parents may have inadvertently left us stuck between a rock and a hard place – between what we should do and what we want to do. But ‘should’ is where it all goes wrong.

Expectations versus reality

OUR HOTELS IN NEW YORK

Nobody knows this better than Kristen Kimball, author of ‘The Dirty Life’ and former freelance journalist and Harvard graduate from New York. After a chance interview with a hunky farmer, she upped sticks to set up farm with her green-fingered interviewee, leaving the city lights and life as she knew it in her wake. You heard right – East Village in favour of mud and veg in the middle of nowhere. This is a story of two love affairs that interrupted the trajectory of an intellectual glamour-puss’ life – one with farming and the other with a man who milks cows for a living. A striking tale about love, happiness and the power of instinct, ‘The Dirty Life’ is a must-read for anyone feeling a little disillusioned with the daily grind or what life’s all about.

The product of a neat, middle-class world, Kimball’s novel charts the mental and physical challenges she faced leaving the glitzy world of ‘convention’ in favour of rural slog. ‘Writ[ing] with precision, authority and gratitude about what is evidently, despite its rigours, an idyllic life’ (New York Times Book Review), Kimball challenges our views about wealth, success and love, giving food for thought as compelling as the gastronomical delights she chronicles.

Kimball’s union with Mark, a rugged hulk of a man with a passion for food and farming, is a world away from the corporate sphere she might have settled into. But as with the different kind of ‘wealth’ she finds farm-side, Kimball takes us on a journey full of surprises, a journey which exposes some stark ironies about our perceptions of ‘success’ and ‘happiness’ of City life.

Does success equal happiness?

How to Get Hens to Lay Eggs in Nest Boxes

‘The Dirty Life’ makes us question our ‘values’ as we know them. In Kimball we find a cosmopolitan New Yorker who, like many of us, supposedly ‘has it all’. A woman with all the trappings of refinement, yet one who is, by her own admission, blinded by ignorance. Openly admitting her surprise that a ‘salt-of-the-earth-type’ person such as Mark could talk with dexterity and intelligence and that ‘the physical world – the trades’ was not in fact ‘the place you ended up if you weren’t bright or ambitious enough to handle a white-collar job’, Kimball shows us the danger of defining people by what they do. In Kimball we find a highly educated woman who has travelled the world with her job, yet whose eyes are opened by an entirely different world, stunned by the happiness she finds ‘pulling warm eggs out of a nest box’.

Shake things up…

So, what is the moral of the tale? Keep meeting new people, keep an open-mind and be true to yourself. Work out what is important to you and don’t be afraid to question reality as you know it. Have the courage to live a life true to yourself, not the life others expect of you and remember, the most successful life is one which unearths what makes you truly happy. Fulfilment goes far deeper than an impressive job title and it will bring you fruits that money can’t buy.

Watch an interview with Kristin Kimball here.

 

 

Hot Air Or Life-Changing? How Coaching Banishes Stress & Transforms Lives

instincts and coaching

“Attention energises, intention transforms”

Deepak Chopra

Ever wondered why you’re unable to make change despite feeling frustration, boredom, anxiety or depression about your current life?

Here’s why..

To make any big change in your life, you need to do more than recognise discomfort – you need to create the time, space and resources to get real clarity. From there, change becomes easy.

Ever wondered why people telling you what you should do rarely works? Because sometimes it comes more from a place of projection, protectiveness and bias than objectivity and real listening – truly sitting in the moment with you and really hearing what lies beneath is usually quite different, leaving you feeling heard, understood and pumped to uplevel your life.

This is exactly what I thought coaching wasn’t when I first started out. Honestly, I was hoping it was a quick fix involving talking to a wise owl who could help me cut corners and expedite change fast.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

When I heard it was being guided by the coach asking a series of questions to help me work out who I was and what I wanted, I thought it sounded like hot air.

Then we started practising coaching – and I ate my words fast..

I quickly realised helping someone connect to who they truly are and what they truly want versus telling them what they should do, is where the magic happens.

I see this kind of magic happen daily with clients – whether midwives moving into project management, financiers moving into consulting, lawyers moving into coaching or graduates moving into advertising and beyond.

It’s not rocket science, but boy does it work.

As a wise friend on Mindline once said, really active listening is like developing a sixth sense.

So I say again – attention energises, intention transforms. Finding space to be truly heard and to deconstruct what’s really going on for you is an essential component to creating the intention required for change.

So if you’re feeling misaligned with your life or career, what’s stopping you?

And if you’re still feeling stuck, remember, nothing changes if nothing changes 💫

#coaching #life #career #change #listen #plan #goals #transform

 

Podcast Episode 10: How to Re-Wire Your Sub-Conscious to Transform Your Life

AnnaLancasterTherapymainhomepage 2

Episode 10 of The School of Success Podcast Series is now live! An inspiring and eye-opening deep-dive into how to re-wire your sub-conscious to achieve transformative life changes from weight loss and fertility and relationships to career success and beyond.

This interview with the accomplished founder of Anna Lancaster Therapy, Anna Lancaster teaches you:

– how stress works in the brain and why the brain can change;
– where our thoughts and beliefs really come from;
– why re-programming our internal monologue is critical to true happiness and success;
– why early childhood is so key in shaping our identity and top tips for parents;
– the 3 root causes that lie at the heart of all dysfunction and how you can upgrade your life through re-wiring your sub-conscious

This is for you if you have an interest in what makes us us, why we behave the way we do and how we can uplevel our lives to achieve true mastery. This is also for you if you’re not sure you have what it takes to change your life and don’t know where to start

In this super informative interview, Anna shares her expert wisdom as a Licensed Rapid Transformational Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist working with clients across a whole host of industries and with a whole host of sticking blocks to reveal why transforming your life may not be as hard as you think

You can find Anna @www.instagram.com/annalancastertherapy/ on Instagram and at www.annalancastertherapy.com/

Podcast Episode 8: Insider Secrets to Nailing a Successful Global Business From Scratch!

Beco_George_1

Episode 8 of The School of Success Podcast Series is now live! This insightful interview with George Bramble, Founder of the award-winning eco-pet company, Beco, gives inspiring insight into how to build a successful global business you’re truly passionate about!

My chat with the accomplished, tenacious + resourceful, George, is not to be missed if you want to know:

– how to find a business idea that inspires you + makes great money;
– what the best route to entrepreneurship is;
– why mindset is key to success;
– common myths that will keep you stuck;
– insider tips on how to scale a business; +
– top tips for effective selling.

This is also for you if you’re not sure you have what it takes + have no idea where to start.

In this super informative interview, George shares his expert wisdom from over 10 years’ experience building an extremely successful global business that saw him go from sticking stickers on dog bowls on a roof in the dead of night to becoming the leading compostable poop bag specialist + a supplier of eco-friendly pet products to over 43 markets worldwide in a pet industry worth over $99 billion in the US alone.

You can find George @beco_pets on Instagram + at www.becopets.com

In the words of Beco, love your dog, love our planet!

Listen here!

5 Steps To Building A Productive Business Fleet As An Entrepreneur

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“In the midst of every crisis, lies great opportunity”

Albert Einstein

Some of the world’s most successful businesses were founded during the last recession including Uber, WhatsApp and Pinterest. Could this be the perfect opportunity to home in on that business idea niggling you at the back of your mind?

As a Career, Life and Mindset Coach, I am often approached by budding entrepreneurs wanting to go at it alone.

Here are my most frequently asked questions and top tips to help you on your journey, as published in Be Your Own.

Read my full article for Be Your Own here

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