“Now cracks a noble heart. Goodnight, sweet prince;
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest”
William Shakespeare, Hamlet 🖌️
Today, I think back 20 plus years ago to when one of my exceptional older brothers took his last breath aged 23.
I’m reminded of a potent learning around love that struck me like a bolt amidst the tragedy – an inspiring revelation which countered the piercing thought I had on learning of Marrow’s terminal diagnosis aged 22 – the latter being, how can life go on without the epicentre of our family? The life and soul of us? The one that makes us crease up with laughter every night at dinner and lights up every room? How will life ever be the same again? “I don’t get it?”, teenage me thought, “If there was a battle, it’s him I’d send in”.
With hindsight, that’s probably why he was sent the worst kind of battle – because he was best placed to handle it and harness it to inspire and transform other lives. A bittersweet legacy of the best and worst kind.
I’ve never seen the power of love more than when Marrow received his terminal cancer diagnosis. The seeming ease with which my parents navigated that situation stopped me in my tracks. Outwardly unflinching but I’m sure inwardly in a world of unimaginable pain. It wasn’t something I’d have associated with tragedy, their contrasting strengths illuminated and fortified in full force at the very worst of times. How horribly beautiful.
My pragmatic dad at his calm, problem-solving, stable best and my mum at her strongest, loving and most uplifting. Equally, the strength of character, wisdom and emotional maturity they instilled in a young man given a death sentence on the springboard of life revealed itself with a quiet force none us could have anticipated – a tenacity, humour, wisdom and bravery that brought home the power that parenting can yield in truly shaping character. I remember thinking in a real moment of truth – the person you spend your life with is everything, strengthening your fortitude or struggle at the best and worst of times whether the happiness of your children, your own success, your ability to navigate adversity and beyond.
It must be why studies say the quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships.
This is something Marrow recognised as key to his fighting spirit, noting the reciprocal power familial support gave him. Tellingly, he signed-off a letter to my twin and I days’ before his death with an Austin Powers quote to that effect: ‘Sorry I have to write, but it helps me get ‘the info’ out. Quite selfishly, you two help me’.
What beautiful circularity that the ways of his two little sisters could’ve been as mutually beneficial to him as his strength was to us.
If I was privileged to have a child who dealt with outrageous misfortune like that, I think I’d have tasted the highest form of success. And one of the greatest testaments to love there might be.






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